Monday, 1 July 2013

STILL REPRESENTING ANALOGUE by Diaz Waitherero



The word digital is becoming flu and everyone is catching it including our 4th president with his laptop idea. Forgive me if I am being pessimistic but distributing over a million laptops to a bunch of six year olds is nothing but a joke. First of all they have recently learnt the beauty of putting ink on paper in a more or less wanting handwriting then now they get to have the ease of typing everything down. To all those who own stationery companies get ready to start retrenching or better yet replace all those stationery with modems and laptop bag carriers. Your time has come to hit the road with your pencils and rubbers, six year olds are taking over.
My six year old nephew started sitting in front of the computer when he was four. Currently, he can qualify to be an IT specialist with a little training of course. When I was his age, I woke up early just to roll over mud and eat the nectar of yellow flowers but him; he prefers playing GTA San Andreas all through. And people say the evolution of a man ended at Homo erectus, I strongly disagree. By the time we reach 2030, our commander-in-chief will be a cute six year old girl distributing tablets to all new born babies.
The times are changing and I am forced to follow the due course or I will end up living in a time capsule. The one thing I refuse to do is become a social hub junkie. I mean one of the worst traits of the youth today is killing numerous hours on the social hub not doing anything constructive of course just plain old stalking. Whatever happened to meeting a person and getting to know them? Constantly viewing their timeline on Facebook which is thriving with nothing but lies will bring you trouble. Its either me or people are being ignorant when it comes to the social media. The famous line; people are not what they seem, is used as a mocking statement these days. Ironically those who use them are usually the ones who get fooled, talk about a stab in the back.
Photo shopped profile pictures, luring profiles and half truths status updates have become the norm and people have fallen in love with impersonators without even knowing. Pity is not the word I would use for those who look for love via the internet. Personally, I have nothing against them but the fact that they go digital with their lies is what bothers me. Though I avoid shaking hands with the good old traditions, I believe the traditional way of courtship is better than tweeting your way into marriage. I cannot find the term for people who have never met but have come to a conclusion that they are in a relationship via Facebook. Perhaps, strangers in person and lovers at heart? I really don’t know
It’s clear that I can only manage one social account, which is Facebook. Manage is even the wrong word to use. I only access it when I need to check if the profile picture that I updated two months prior has hit 100 likes or to accept friend requests. Most of whom, I don’t even chat with. I think might be mistaken for a celebrity with the number of friends I have.
Most times I usually just reply the numerous inboxes that keep inquiring about my whereabouts and whether my account has been deactivated; I highly appreciate those friends who actually send me inboxes and post on my timeline. They are the reason why the people behind Facebook have mercy on me and haven’t thrown me under the bus for under using the privilege of being part of them. Though I think I am more like the founding father of Facebook not that I have any relation to Mark Zuckerbur. I might have been the first user as much as it’s unbelievable considering my attitude towards the social network. Facebook and I, go way back.
The part that gets me wondering about going digital is that it keeps everybody’s phone in their hands; they are indeed the new car keys in town. It’s almost like being in a competition you did not sign up for. Try using a bus and you would be shocked to see how the seven inch phones do not seem to fit in the pair of baggy jeans or the oversize bags ladies carry.
The most interesting thing is how everyone would be glued to the phone even at social events! I mean when loud music is playing and the mood is just right to let loose and the best move you can make is to update everyone on Facebook, twitter, Instagram, What’s up, Picasa, mobile blog, and flicker that the mood is just electrifying for you to let your fingers do the walking on your touch. You should know you have a disease called social spike. Yes, I just invented that but the bottom line is you are sick and terminating all those accounts will indeed get you better, no pun intended.
In the end, I still believe sticking to analogue has more pros than any of that digital stuff that people keep on buzzing about. As much as Peter Kenneth, the class one pupils and the Honorable Uhuru Kenyatta are leading a whole revolution against me, my mother and grandmother; we will stick to what we know.
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