Friday, 12 July 2013

PREVIOUSLY ON THIEF……… by Diaz Waitherero

Everyone has had their fair share of Judas in their lifetime. Judas can be
your house help, your gardener, your landlord and even worse your
very own flesh and blood, your little angel. Of course she won’t be
considered an angel after you catch her lifting your mattress to get your
stash. In a way everyone under the sun bears the title; thief. Probably
you stole from God, your blonde Aunt Lucy, your dead-old Uncle Tom
or that uncanny kid in the neighbourhood, damn I hated bullies.
I loved boys from the word born, I was even one for the better part of
my child hood. Running around doing nothing, riding a bike all over
Buruburu, wearing a dirty baggy trouser without a belt continuously for
three days, yes I was that girl. How can I forget playing with marbles,
climbing trees and boarding moving cars!!Okay maybe I should just
stop there for social reasons. I loved my child hood. PS; for anyone who
is wondering I did not change my gender.
There we were the six of us bored to death sitting on a pavement.
Playing football had become a routine and it had gotten a little bit
droning. So we decided to do something out of the blue; rob the
supermarket. There was Rambo, Jackie Chan, Sylvester Stallone,
Nikitah, Alias and Bubbles. At least that’s how I saw it. Either way we
were a bunch of eight year olds looking for some hard-earned biscuits
and sweets. We had the blue print and the man power; we overlooked
the part of getting caught.
The plan was; we all enter the scene at the same time then we leave at
intervals. I can hardly remember the ring leader but I bet it was my
brother; he had that Rambo vibe. I was the first to abscond since I was
the cover; yes I was Bubbles in this situation believe it or not. The cover
is usually safe, no monkey business just a cute face with a broken smile.
After taking the biscuits, I went to the cashier and paid for them. I
casually left, of course after saying hi to all the attendants just to win
their trust. As it turns out, you don’t win much trust when you are
dressed like a boy; with a bandana on your head and wrist.
The exit was perfect; no lasers crossed, no alarms triggered, no
attendants chasing me. A true ninja I must say; at least that’s what
thought. I turned around to confirm that the Armageddon gang was
behind me, I got a slap on the back, literally. They were caged up,
Rambo, Nikitah, Jackie, Sylvester and Alias. And they say Bubbles is just
a cute face! Well I was the one who got away. “I must save my
comrades” that notion lasted for a second then I thought “ah! I got free
biscuits!” don’t judge me I was eight and I had a sweet tooth.
Of course I didn’t bail on them! What kind of person would I have
been? I went ate the evidence, told my grandpa that some people I
used to know were caught stealing then went over Nikitah and Alias’s
house. Their guardian knew something was wrong so she questioned
me about their whereabouts but I didn’t squeal. Loyalty people, call me
loyal. When I couldn’t take her trail of intimidating questions, I retired
home on my new Lamborghini Aventador 11; my two legs. First played
with Scrappy [the dog] then jumped over the fence. Yeah, Alias and
Nikitah were my neighbours and very close friends.
For some weird reason my sister was home that day watching a movie.
To tell you the truth it was my first time to see her in the light of day. I
only saw her at night, looking for some lost shoe, women huh? Anyway,
she told me that she saw Rambo and associates outside the
supermarket wearing tags written in bold ‘MIMI NI MWIZI’. I gulped
and said “really?” she definitely bought my innocence and left me
alone. Who wouldn’t apart from the attendants at the supermarket and
that guardian?
Time dragged from three to seven o’clock. For the first time I watched
Mr Flintstones consciously. Never liked that cartoon, who wears bones
in their hair? I think I was just bitter because my hair was as long as my
little toe. Finally Rambo arrives, the mission was aborted or rather it
wasn’t that successful. His shoulders shrugged, slap marks all over his
face and a ‘MIMI NI MWIZI’ hanging crookedly on his back. I was in
trouble and I knew it.
He looked at me with those evocative eyes and went upstairs; this was
after my sister pestered him with twenty one questions. The tag had
fallen off on his way so I picked it up to go throw it away but my sister
took it and placed it on the table. I am no Cruella Devil, I just can’t help
smiling when I know I have messed up or something terrible is going to
happen. Something terrible was my mother.
A good mother always disciplines her children; I mean I would probably
be with the Al Shabab somewhere in Somalia if it wasn’t for her. Thanks
to her I have ended up in Rongai. A place where red is the theme colour
and carrying a stick is always on fashion. After the terrible thing, we all
went to sleep and the Armageddon Gang has never been active again.
We all lived happily ever after. I hate fairytales; they just manipulate
your feelings, no one has ever had a happy ending.
Life in east lands was the best one yet! I took a few wrong turns of
course. Took my mother’s coins and my father’s notes then got caught
a couple of times. Terrible happened. Since then I never took anyone’s
things without asking. Apart from my sister’s perfume, my mother’s
watch, my brother’s money and cologne; yes sometimes I like to smell
like a guy, shoot me!! The next episode might be released in 2030 by
my kid; I just hope she/he won’t take it to the next level and rob a bank.
waithererodaisy@gmail.com