Sunday, 30 August 2015

MEN PLEASE STOP THIS BLACK AMERICAN NONSENSE by Daisy Waitherero Wambua

Kenyan men have adopted a new style of talking, walking and carrying themselves, I would say it is good but I do not have time for lies. I have no idea why they are all acting like they carry a gun all day and belong to street gangs like it’s an actual job description. Apparently they are all from The Bronx, New York and they have been hustling their way to the top by selling dope and crack. We all know you live in Lang’ata next to the Shopping Centre and your mother still whoops for coming home at 7pm instead of 6pm.

I thought it was only one man that was like that until I met my good friend Derek, now referred to as Rich Hommie Derscrapntenae. Just to clarify, he is not exactly rich, I am not sure about the Hommie and what does Derscrapntenae mean? How is it even formed from Derek? Anyway he is a self-proclaimed rapper and has several mix tapes- the main reason he dropped out of medicine school and terminated a six year sponsorship. Bless his mother’s heart. I don’t like putting a brother down but music was meant for some to hear only.



There is a certain thuggish aura that is being passed on from comrade to comrade, most of them are broke so I can’t judge them for aping black American men. Plus I would hate to be Mutahi Ngunyi and be forced to eat a humble pie. Apologies for referring boys in campus as men, truly from the bottom of my heart. However some few of them are actually grown up and decent. The rest are busy trying to look like snoop dog in his song ‘What’s My Name’ and accidentally come off as Prince of Bellaire.

The clothes, the hair, the shoes and to top it all off the slang; sisters, run. We all know thugs don’t have money. Saying words like ‘Wassup ma’?’ boy I didn’t ‘birth’ you therefore keep that WhatsApp as an application and go get educated on how to address women. Statements like ‘wachu doin’?’, ‘we hang’, ‘you real cute lil ma’, ‘you bangin’ and others that are too below my literacy level should cease! Effective immediately. Hang? Hang what? Clothes? Probably yourself if you talk like this and no, I am not little, I will bang your head if you approach me like this. I will not touch on the grammar as I will fall down because of poor game disease.



Be yourself gentlemen. You do not need a bunch of women so as to show who is boss and if you do that means you have never been one your whole life. Focus on getting that money, honey. They say money doesn’t matter and those who say that don’t matter themselves, get it right. It’s a broken world already, don’t add broke to it. Women are manipulative, they will use you and leave you like you were a theory but don’t bother unless they are stopping your cheque. Don’t conform to who you are not and stop running around in packs like lesbian women.

Keep it real and keep it one hundred.