MAIN CAMPUS DECIDES ON 2016/2017 SGC By Daisy Waitherero Wambua

The tension has never been worse during any election period as compared to the 2016/2017 tenure. Everybody is cashing in all chips to attain the dockets at hand. The 2015/2016 SGC lot has not yet signed out but ‘boy oh boy’ (Jeff Koinange’s voice) it feels like they went home Before Christ.

Although numbers never lie, these statistics might not be the gospel truth come the D day. It’s all subject to personal opinion and mainly subject to the ballot boxes.

                     MUSO HEIRACHY

Towett Ng’etich has definitely had his eye on Chairmanship from the beginning and things could not get any clearer for him. He has a solid 40% exactly one month to the Election Day. Prior he had managed 38% and was still foremost.

Bishop Apuoyo Rathore a very charismatic man, unfortunately dropped from 36.8% to 33% after recent remarks made by the political aspirant. His followers were not too happy with his sudden showcase of unmerited pride.

Albert Shem is not doing too well in the docket however, those on the ground have their loyalty to him. His numbers were not enough for him to be put in these polls but his name is still relevant to the common comrade.

Faith Muthoni aka Fei Sonik has brought down the whole varsity to its knees in her aspirations to be the Vice Chair. Following recent backlash from comrades and derogatory statements especially from our male counterparts, she has taken campaigns by the horns and sent us straight to the fields. She is leading with a whole 45%.

Viney Gisore cannot be put to rest as she is on the ground creating waves. She follows right behind Sonik with a whopping 30%. Thereafter is Lavinah, Mwakesi and Komallah in that order.

This man Bosco is trickling from everyone’s mouth and consequently will fall right into the ballot box. He is undisputedly the people’s choice thus far, leading with 45%. Secretary General is taken he says. Not very far off is another very determined political aspirant Remmy. I don’t know his full name, where he originated from but he is making small tides. So who is your mother? Identify yourself.

Assistant Secretary General has never been of anyone’s concern. It is almost like asking who the assistant of Community Development, Culture and Arts is, but Bwana Festus is in the race. He might be racing against himself.

Muchai is playing the right cards and looks like he might hit the jackpot. 41.3% is the winning mark and Biko is coming in fast at 39.5%. Biko has been out of his element for days on and the big question is ‘Are you still contending to be our Finance Director?’

Morris Mureithi is the Eiffel Tower and Academics docket his Paris. This lad cannot be ignored and will not be put down unless it’s on a ballot paper. John Abdub we are seeing you, just not in the ballot box. A little bit of hardwork from your end and a political consultant will do you good.

Arnold Clinton aka Klint, who gave you that name? And who gave you 30%? Klint is leading making the other contenders his followers. Papa John Sewe and Dukkakis(did I spell it right?) are tying at 27.1%. The Entertainment docket is a multi-cornered seat and any change can bring enormous gains. The rest, well, you are the rest.

Security and Accommodation has brought a lot of sand from the sea and cannot be clearly determined. Mohammad Kuso and this Maxwell guy are the reigning kings and with just one kingdom, it will be a serious case of PNU-CORD hullabaloo. Kuso comes in with 39% after he had 36% according to last week’s polls. Whereas Bwana Maxwell is at an outstanding 40%, a 1% drop from previous polls.

Ms. Faith Chimoli is not taking the Health docket lightly. She has established a fan base on the ground and online, she surely means business. She is a front runner with 37% in her hand and only Edith can stop her. Edith Wanjiru who prior was contesting for Vice Chairman announced her ticket for the Health docket. Velma Sankale following Chimoli closely is weighing in at 31.4% while young lass Helen at 20%.

Catering is the new Chairman docket with Lynn Balyach educating the other runners with a flying 53.6%. No one understands how, when and where but she is not even in the race, she is the race. However, Husna Hassan Nawate, the coastal Luyha lady or the coastal girl dating a Luyha, whichever the case, might be the referee that Balyach needs. She is a little bit far off but anything can change in a matter of hours. Ms. Nawate is at a staggering 35%.

These elections have already been polarized along ethnic lines and parallels to previous elections chaos are almost null. May we join hands to have credible free and fair elections. Remember anyone can win or lose. Vote wisely, Vote peacefully. Your vote, your say; Your soda, your lunch. Usiuze Kura Kamwe!

8-4-4 SYSTEM SHOULD BE BANNED By Daisy Waitherero Wambua

Being in school for a quarter century has been a skid on ice. Nobody really gets why we do it, who came up with 8-4-4 and why not 3-2-2, why is there no home schooling for this system and generally who came first? The teacher or the Ed.

Do I blame a bunch of ingrate teenagers for sending their schools to hell? No, not really. With the hormonal rush, petrol as an accessory to food, oppressive rules and regulations and minimal understanding from teachers; Heck! Somebody take me back to High School I start my training as an arson. Most people value this system and believe its oxygen to the brain; these people are our parents. They know everything.

But what if they don’t? School is not as crucial as education. Let’s say I spend a minimal of eight hours a day learning about mitochondria and Alkanes and ultimately manage to get an A. Teachers, parents and the principal herself is ecstatic for my brilliance has once again proven immortal. In real sense, Mitochondria and Alkanes couldn’t be more than the dust on my feet. Assuming, my passion is more in line with catering, the science of food, the intricate mixture of flavors and taste yet, I spend quarter of my life span dwelling on square roots and pie charts that won’t put the meal I made on the table. So in the end really, who needs to educate who?

What if oxygen is just a chemical that reduces our lifespan and everybody succumbs to it after eighty to one hundred years? Did Abraham and his squad breathe the same air as the rest of us? Is Raila’s fish and ugali an exact replica of what Jesus fed his people? You only need to train an average of four years to be an epitome of success in your field.  But we spend twenty years learning and focusing on all what is irrelevant but is considered relevant by those from prior years. The mistake we make is we believe them and take their word as gospel truth; in four years or sixteen thousand hours you could be a guru in whatever prospect.

School does not teach us on matters of life; it’s an experiment and we are just lab rats. Can you adhere to rules and how long? Is it possible to retain all information of eight subjects from a mere 300 pages a book? Are you able to jump when ordered to and how high? Repeat the same schedule for four years straight and maintain the same enthusiasm, Do one grand exam that puts all those years of hardwork to the ground or elevates you to a more intense curriculum.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again while expecting different results. How many generations have to suffer under this backward system for us to realize that there could be another way of doing things? Do we really need to read for twenty years? Is it a must we have all those irrelevant topics in our curriculum? Who came up with differentiation in Mathematics? And what is wrong with you?

If education is the key then school must the padlock.

BAD WEATHER IS EVERYWHERE by Daisy Waitherero Wambua

Rain. Ancient symbol of man’s primitive fear. It’s the source of life and destruction. The backlash of being single and being homeless. It’s that which promotes cohabitation for the lonely queer ones and bragging rights to the flatulent in terms of partners. It’s an icy 24th June and I hate that I can’t feel the tip of my nose.

I like caffeine. A strong mug of caffeine. The ones written in ‘expensive’ language usually don’t tickle my fancy. Not mentioning names; ‘Oregano’. I’m lured by simple and brief cups; the ones with coffee beans as the only ingredient. Woe unto those in which Dioxides and Phosphates are part and parcel. They are packed like coffee but lack the maturity to attain its adverse mannerisms. In simple terms, they are Yuck!

Taking a French leave from The Home of Champions (Kemboi did us good) to Nairobi was a cup of coffee, oops! I mean tea. Heck! I would opt for Rongaiwood come lava, come tsunami. Eldoret is about negative fifteen degrees, meaning you need twenty five degrees more to actually say it’s cold. Ice tea has become norm although our Luyha brothers….eeerrrr…. It’s so cold that the idea of being part of the five thousand people eating fish and bread is alluring. Last time we had weather this bad was when Mugabe entered office for yet another term. He has served for so long I bet Alexander Bell hotline blinged him.

Naivasha, Limuru, Nakuru are all engulfed in fog resulting in confused traffic on goings. This cold is so bad, the calendar might get frozen in June. However, this weather brought some good; Men have been coerced to embrace being gentlemen. They come home early, warm their own bathing water, occasionally cook, no daily visits from the boys and definitely no leaving the wife at any time, always joined to the hip. There is an amazing upward trajectory in vocabulary; no more Mama Kipla, it’s now ‘honey’ and on desperate occasions it gets to cupcake and ‘have you lost weight’ sentiments. Words like sorry, thank you, I love you and I will do it right now become like confetti.

Slogans such as; If you look at a woman lustfully, you have committed adultery with her thus if you look at water and soap lustfully, you have showered for the week, have become a religion. Two baths a day have been reduced to shower when ‘maji ya matope’ has been splashed on you, it gets worse. After using the bathroom, before eating, after eating ugali, moping the floor by stepping on the rag, being religiously ignorant of all sources of water and can you believe it’s not yet July?

With the bad comes the worst, question is what would Maghufuli do?

RUBIA RULES R'N'B

SONG REVIEW

SONG: BETTER
ARTIST: JOE RUBIA
RATE: 9/10

Every once in ‘neveruary’ a great artist comes along and wrecks the music scene. Joe Rubia is definitely making waves in the industry and it’s only a matter of time for his second record ‘Better’ to be one of the classics. His first record 'games' in which he featured Andre did not disappoint and definitely set the bar high for his second track. We have seen all the boy band groups winning hearts of everyone. But what if I told you that one man with one mic will string you along a great musical journey? You don’t need a band, you need a voice. Joe Rubia’s voice.

The quality of vocals, instrumentals and pictures in Joe Rubia’s latest feel good jam is definitely commending. He is definitely the Kenyan Trey Songz and is sweeping ladies off their feet, even gentlemen sing along to his song. This artist has successfully mashed Pop, RnB and Hip-hop. He brought his music to the table and we all got served. Being his first single, you can only work up an appetite for his next hit.

The song has a sound that will transport you to some kind of sombre and intoxicating aura which doesn’t rub off. The lyrics seep into your brain and linger there so hard, a tear might sneak up on you. Like any RnB singer, he has managed to relate to his audience as he clearly depicts the struggles we have in terms of love. The artist unquestionably made a great composition and concept of the song. There is a rhythmic flow that triumphs and gives you a flawless, relentless and passionate mood of remorse and hope at the same time. If there were a Kenyan RnB Kendrick Lamar then you guessed it, we are in the running. Its lush, it’s simple, it’s catchy and it’s Joe Rubia.

‘Better’ is about to be your favorite soundtrack of 2016, just watch out. Check out his audio track on this link: https://youtu.be/P6Vi_1KJ2s0 Find this young lad on Instagram as Joe Rubia

FIVE THINGS TO HELP YOU SURVIVE THE COLD IF YOU ARE SINGLE

1. HOT BEVERAGES

Do indulge in all types of liquids that may generate heat. Coffee, tea, drinking chocolate; simply pick your poison. Remember excessive intake of tea might lead to a pot-belly situation and make you a Westerner.  

2. CLOTHES

No one cares about the ‘my dress my choice’ mantra at this stage. Those who do are either socialites or simply lack basic morals that entail self-love. Jackets, hoodies, scarves and even leg warmers are readily accessible, don’t spare yourself. If you are from Moi University, get gumboots too.

3. GYM IS LIFE 

Work out will never pay off as it does during this period. It’s the ultimate heat generator. Increased heart rate always feels like two bodies merged up into one. Plus it comes with great view and assets….cough..cough.. I mean insight. 

4. SLEEPOVERS

This may not be advisable for men as it may come across as gay and cultic but ladies can explore this area. Movie nights, dinner at Tiffany’s and game nights can serve us well. Best friends were sent by the gods, take advantage of them.

5. GET A PARTNER

‘Utaolewa lini?’ stop being stubborn and get hitched. Those with high standards keep on keeping them high and continue buying clothes. Those with low standards, you are in a relationship with ten people; that’s a meeting. Stop playing.