DO YOU KNOW ABOUT GEAN JEWELRY?

The first thought that comes to mind when you hear the word jewelry is, EXPENSIVE. But, what if I told you there is a dealer in town who can not only meet your high end taste in trinkets but also avoid damaging your bank commas.....

GEAN is the new store in town and every girl, lady, mother even men can indulge in. The Cofounders George Wayne and Anne Wangui have managed to meet the market demand and even exceed it by 100% profit. The fantastic duo personally select each intrinsic and extrinsic part of the ornaments which makes their line a cut above the rest. They are known for custom made jewelry that reaches a wide view market across all ages.

The offer gets better and better as these items are not part of the Kenyan Uniform; each is uniquely handmade and sold exclusively to the consumer. Some of the items they specialize in are bracelets, vintage jewelry, horoscope bracelets, short and long chains and their classic; the vintage bracelet.

They are currently doing deliveries to Mombasa, Eldoret, Kisumu, Kisii, Murang’a and they have done international deliveries to South Sudan, Juba.

Free deliveries in Nairobi CBD, Eldoret, Kisumu, Mombasa, Kisumu, Kisii, Murang’a.



Facebook: Gean Jewellery Store

Instagram: @geanjewelry

Contact: 0715054873/0717696605

Website: www.geanjewelry.com – Coming soon



IF YOU HAVEN’T SHOPPED AT GEAN, YOU HAVEN’T SHOPPED AT ALL.

Style On Fleek.

WHY KENYANS WOULD NOT BE IN THE BIBLE by Daisy Waitherero Wambua

Easter should have come early. February early. No I would not wish to quicken Jesus’ demise but with the January blues spreading over to March; even Judas would have been paid 15 coins. I haven’t been this broke in so long that beggars on the street would share their daily collections with me. All of you who think Kalekye lost weight because of gym continue being delirious. At some point last month it would have taken a hundred shillings to actually be considered broke.

Back to Easter. There is something about this fish that should spark interest. Jesus was a shepherd but no mention of eating sheep, goat, cow or chicken. Not so much of a cook, not so much into animals on land but a lot into unleavened bread and that wine. We could never measure up to be His Highness but if Kenyans could…… Nyamachoma would be prepared on a daily basis, the famous Keg after every meal, people kubruce (getting wasted) before prayers, disciples engaging in corrupt deals and stealing Jesus’ miracles and you bet XYZ and Churchill would make all sorts of parodies. The whole of Luke 24 would be filled with verses of kufisiana (hunger expeditions) and Jesus would probably resurrect on Thursday. Kenyans would never be in the Bible.

I have to give it up to my main man Jesus for His loyalty. How many of us would die and willingly come back to those who ended us in the first place and not kill them? You literally have to have a higher power for that kind of composure. I mean if somebody simply steps on my right foot, I would make it a personal mission to go to war on both of his feet. We all need a little Jesus in us especially in this season. Easter is a representation of love and sacrifice for a greater purpose. So in every situation try asking yourself What Would Jesus Do? Sometimes you will not find an answer, the devil is a lie, ten Jesus pieces bruh!

HAPPY EASTER!

HOW YOU SAY HELLO CAN COST YOU FRIENDSHIPS by Daisy Waitherero Wambua

 
Have you ever kept tabs on how you greet? Rather who you greet and why you greet them? Well, personally I have never given two cents about it. The only thing I keep track of is who I do not greet. (Chuckles) not so many but I would wish to add a few on that list who checked into the friend zone after stalking.

Greetings are like the appetizer then the main course kicks in in form of a conversation. They are like the gateway to how good, boring, sad, interesting and slanderous the tête-à-tête will be. No one really pays attention but the way someone responds to your hello determines whether it will be a hellnah or a wassup.

Different people have different ways of greeting. The French love a little kiss on the cheek with a sultry comment ca va? The Spanish love hugs and screams and a lot of hullaballoo that makes it seem like a wedding is taking place right there and then, accompanied by a Como te va todo?  Red Bull for breakfast? Kenyans love that low key niaje niaje but you have to have realized the Spanish in our women. The high pitch Arianna Grande scream, the hands in the air being waved like they just don’t care buttered by a long hug as if you are Samson and you just found out Delilah left you. Spend one day in Kenya and you will leave with all your scars healed and all your money gone (let’s fight corruption).

When greeting a lady make sure it’s proper especially if it’s for the first time. This means no hugging, if you want a hug, go get your sister or a tree. There is no Hi-five, basically we are way past the diaper stage and you are not my grandpa. Nevertheless, it’s annoying, that weird finger-locking confusion where the thumb goes in between the middle finger and index finger so the whole greeting is kind of messed up as you cannot figure out whether to rectify the finger position or simply ignore and continue with the conversation. You feel me? The proper way is a handshake which no one in the varsity and whole of Kenya remembers. Treat every woman like a queen as they are a part of somebody’s throne.

When greeting an older person, do not curtsy as it’s not a performance. The same goes for bowing. But depending on different cultures, you must be well versed with what they consider etiquette. Do not bring a rude boy vibe to a Chinese restaurant; those chopsticks are deadly. Men normally do not have that much bodily contact and if they do, please call Caitlyn Jenner. She/ He will help you accordingly.

Women are naturally delicate (do not read as weak) human beings and we love to connect with everyone in general. Thus boundaries are easily marked if any and hugs, pecks, hi-fives are not really limited when it comes to fellow counterparts.

Mind your Hello, do not let it be a goodbye.

NOT ALL FIGHTS END IN DEATH UNLESS IT'S A LOVE TRIANGLE

 

Two words; cat fight. Whoever came up with that phrase cannot possibly be alive and if he (must be a he) is, he is under heavy security right now. If I happened to be thinking along his shallow dismissible lines he must correlate the woman’s stealth like nature to that of a feline. Cats purr when you sooth them, chin up when you pet them and claws out when you provoke them; women do not operate this way.

Women will give you any reaction whatsoever when you cuddle them, frisk them, ignore them and aggravate them. We operate on a more complex level compared to the cat. Point is, us females do not want to be labeled in any type of way so unless you have nine lives; Keep walking bruh.

With that misrepresentation set straight, let’s get into the real deal. A story about two men, a lady and one coffin. Yes, in the twenty first century love triangles usually have two males and a female and in certain occasions it’s a parallelogram.  I have nothing against females and their affinity to multiple men to score at, in point of fact I am for it. For so long women have been mistreated and belittled by men thus for them to have a dose (scratch that a pharmaceutical) of their own medicine then I dare a doctor to stop it. Play on my lovelies, outline the game for them. However keep in mind that this is just like Sport Pesa; nobody goes home the way they left.

Back to the coffin, two innocent men and one lethal woman. I have seen real deep love, probably lived it at some point but it would be a lie if I say the side dude died for love. I mean who do you all think you are? There is no Romeo, there is no Jack Dawson (Leonardo DiCaprio) so let’s all come back down on earth and be Juma and Onyango. Oh wait Juma killed Onyango already.

Every situation has its own complexities, there is no black and white. And if there is find out whether it’s charcoal black and if it is really white or Navajo white. Because of so many alterations, I will not delve into the nitty gritty of how the murder came about. Also, I did not get the unbiased story from the men in blue. Typical. Nevertheless, it’s so unfortunate that one does not get to live to their full potential before being laid to rest. Condolences to the family and the girlfriend.

Advice to everyone in an uncomfortable situation whether it’s a love triangle, pyramid, square and so on, DO NOT TAKE ANYONE’S LIFE EVEN YOURS; like that guy Mbaratha says it; it’s never that serious!

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MOI UNIVERSITY NEWS FLASH

MATATUS DRIVE OFF A CLIFF

Matatus in Moi University Main Campus have been tolled at the Kesses Police Station. There are no vehicles allowed to operate within the University vicinity. Matatu drivers who normally operate at Kesses stage got into crossborder skirmishes when they demanded to park at the campus' petrol station. This did not rub the original service providers well and therefore a war was declared. Several breakages have been reported, two casualties and mutiple theft acts. The main means of transport currently is motorbike services.

THIEF THIEF THIEF
Locals at stage took law under their own hands after they caught a persistent thief. It has been said the 30 year old male has been conducting his free gifts business for close to two years. His random disappearing acts have made it impossible to get apprehended. The locals had had enough this time round. The thief was spotted and beaten for close to one hour outside System Shop. He was under a very critical condition when the locals decided to set him on fire. To be continued.......

MORE KENYAN WOMEN FLY TO WEST AFRICA IN 2016 by Daisy Waitherero Wambua

Chilvary might be dead in Kenya but its alive and running in West Africa. If i know Kenyan women then you bet they are not there for the oil nor for the accent. Money and fame is the oxygen in this era and we are all compelled to expand our nostrils or better yet breathe through our mouths. These Nigerian men have given the ladies a run for their Naira and now they are even flying.

I am not quite certain what is the fascination with these Oga men but whatever it is Kenyan men need loads of it. Its been said that 70% of West Africa's economy is solely from flights made by Kenyan women. So many women fly to that part of Africa that if they stop going, there will be an economic meltdown.

I am not a big fan of accents(though its rumoured i have one) and that excessive patriotism is sickenning, I won't even start on what they did to Emmy Kosgei. The African print hat,shirt,pants, scarf downright to the sash; come on, are we having an African Rites of passage everyday? Who lives under all that fabric and they don't own a sewing machine? Upholding traditions my Louis Vuitton!!!! Tradition is eating pizza every Tuesday so you can get one more.

However, I will give them credit for the oil,flashy cars,big estates and romantic tales. Nigerians can do anything with anything. They managed to turn their land into a pirate's chest, lookable women into goddesses and broke Kenyan men into more broke Kenyan men (and Kenya is already broke). I mean is it juju or the fufu ?

Looking on the bright side. Kenyan ladies seem happier with the variety of 'exotic' male species and Kenyan men are free to do what they always do; sit around and talk in fake black American accent about Tupac Shakur. Its also good for the country, seeing the current economic status detoriating, we will need all the mahari we can get. No pun.

Personally, I wouldn't have gone for Nigeria, not that I have anything against them (Mike Ezuruonye I love you, Rita Dominic I will be you). I just cannot get past all that fabric, heavy weird accent accompanied with the unnecessary exclamations,head smacking,hand clapping, head bobbing and Jesus calling all the time. Yes, am a hot bowl of soup and i serve it without a spoon. 

For all the ladies lurking in Nigeria for a suitor, good luck. For the lady aspirants, keep the fire burning. For Kenyan men....well....keep playing Eurotrack and get married to Agent 47 from Hitman. Dab!!!

NTSA 'STEALS' 400 MILLION KENYA SHILLINGS

National Transport Safety Authority Act(NTSA) is in the limelight again and it only gets worse. Jesus take the wheel. Let me refresh your memory. You remember the AlcoBlow regime? The restricted travelling time? If Mututho's face didnt crop up then lets picture big lips on a dark continent. Yes he makes all our hearts cringe however he doesnt work for NTSA.

The NTSA is responsible for transport licensing,motor vehicle registration, drivers test, motor vehicle inspection and road safety. They are the ones who strive to keep you alive but before then they have to live up to their name. The 'transport' in the name carries alot of money.....ahem......weight.

NTSA needed a security boost as the prior one was considered inadequate. They LEASED 40 Peugeot 308 station wagons(estate) and 5 ambulances for four years only. This expenditure amounted to 631 million. Somebody tell Waiguru or text Uhuru to notify her of these protégés who are coming for the country's jagular. One Peugeot costs about 3.5 Kenya million shillings therefore 40 of them should add up to 140 million Kenya shillings; one fully equiped ambulance costs 8 million Kenya shillings. One question and one question only: why you lying? Why the hell you lying?

180 to 200 million should be the total expenditure, where is the floating 400 million Kenya shillings? And who is behind it?

PROJECT X RATED by Daisy Waitherero Wambua

Project X ?people puuuuuhhhleaaase! Let me tell you about the Ys and Zzzzzzz. I dont know why everyone is creating such a fuss regarding it when its norm especially amongst young people. Worse things have happened,have been happening, are happening and will happen. Its an apocalypse and drugs are the demons to be exorcised.

We are living in an era where having morals is sin and considered boring. I mean who on the surface has zero traces of drugs in their system? Staying at home on Friday night, waiting for marriage, being honest, having clothes on and generally doing all things that will close the flood gates of hell are unheard off.

We are in a generation where being good has been exahusted. Rigid parenting over the years being the root cause. Stories of parents flipping over the smallest of non issues are in scrolls and scrolls. Getting pinched for wearing a sweater when it is sunny, slapped for giving someone 'bad eyes' (sneering) , being swept (kuchapwa na kifagio) for coming in late and lets not forget getting 'batad' or 'umojwad' (bad brand of slippers).

Such childhood trauma whereby children are intimidated and threatened have a long term effect. Thus ,the youth relish on having less clothes on, spending most nights out and doing everything they were discouraged against.

Youth confide more in friends than parents and this may result in x-rated decisions. Therefore, all parents should strive to be the best of friends with their children. This may not stop the bad behaviour but it sure will steer them towards the good.

BODY LOTION SENT ME TO JAIL by Daisy Waitherero Wambua

A story of a young man, beautiful lass and good lotion. 

Ladies generally have a way of getting what they want,when they want and how they want it even if someone ends up in jail. Just when you thought chivalry died with Jack and Jill going down the hill then Kamau came up with good lotion.

When Njeri asked her boyfriend for a 700 shilling lotion, Kamau knew that he had to be the knight in shinning Vaseline for her. And he did.

Kamau went to a local supermarket headstrong to take care of his partner's need. Afterall, lotion can be the bridge to higher heights in the relationship.Unfortunately his pockets were not upto Njeri's standards of living.

Being in a country where we are accustomed to taking without consent, Kamau had only one security guard to worry about. But it was not the only thing he would be worrying about.

It takes 40 days to catch a thief they said but what about all the rookies who have been arrested?

Just two more steps and he was out of the lion's den and into the world. His heart was pounding, sweat dripping wetting his armpits and back.  Two minutes have never seemed so long in his entire life. He could feel the eyes watching him,the camera lenses zooming in and that security guy trodding behind him. He was busted and anything he said or did would not need that lotion.

Its been one month behind bars, 13 more months to go....

Keeping Up With Njeri;
Njeri is now somewhere with Omondi who bought her St Ives not Vaseline. Kamau is single and in a jail cell, not worried about any body lotion.

MOI UNIVERSITY STUDENTS BATTLE FOR MORE ALLOWANCE

 
There are few things that can cause chaos in the varsity; students losing their cool, administrators gulling over students. Most may seem irrelevant and somewhat petty but do not be mistaken. Getting in between a comrade and their money will open flood gates.

Moi University is notorious for accommodation crisis, bedbug infestation and generally election fraud but who are we to cut the list short? Add meagre allowances issued during the school trip. It is not so mucNoh about the money as it is the progress in augmentation of the allowance. For the past two decades the varsity has been giving each student five hundred Kenya shillings per day during infamous school trips. This is meant to cover accommodation and food which not only is strenuous to get a hold of but also quite dear.

School of Human Resource and School of Information Science have conducted peaceful demonstrations for two days in a row in futility. School of IS which is to travel today to Nairobi has soon departed. The trip lasts for about seven days whereby the school’s bus provides transportation. One or two lecturers are also required on board to supervise the students during the excursion. School of Human Resource is yet to release the dates for departure to Mombasa.

Comrades demand for an increment in the trip allowance from five hundred Kenya shillings to two thousand five hundred shillings. A figure which is unheard of in the varsity but hopefully manageable. The administration has dismissed the polite request time and time again and hence the strikes. Students have adapted the go slow movement and have boycotted classes for close to ten days now. With so little communication from the superiors, this small demonstration may soon break the banks. Until then \team2500 \tripforwho  \moneyforall