Saturday, 18 April 2015

SOCIAL IN THE MEDIA? by Daisy Waitherero Wambua

The felt need to display erotic and by far boring state of personal bedroom affairs on net is becoming quite rampant. I am not sure if people are doing this in a bid to mark their territory or it’s just for fun. Personally, I do not see the need to waste all that mobile data just to caption a moment that will most probably happen ten times over with different partners each time. But what do I know, I am team single; I dare not keep any knowledge of such.
Four things are key during lunch with the girls; boys, fashion, money and food. Lizzie is now four months into her relationship with Chris; they are quite the match if you ask me. Only one problem; his status reads single on Facebook. I never quite understood how that was a problem but then again it’s a different world we live in; a primary school student not having a pair of condoms will soon be illegal. Apparently, putting up pictures, changing one’s relationship status, posting lovey dovey remarks on social media is the ultimate form of love. All this time I thought being carried when am tired of walking in heels, eating pizza while playing play station and having someone to fight my battles was having it all.
I wake up every day hoping that I was born in my grandma’s era. Whereby I didn’t have texts as conversations, pictures as evidence of affection and let me not start on marriage without an actual ring. Things were simple back then. It was literally a walk in the park; especially Uhuru park. No being fussed over, stalked and definitely no group of girlfriends who are running what looks like CTU in the series ‘24’. Shout out to all the girlfriends who support each other; girl code, power to the women.
Instagram is definitely the relationship killer; a single double tap will make her conclude that you want to marry another woman and there is no convincing her otherwise. The Woman Crush Wednesday is now in the black book, you are not allowed to crush on anyone else unless you are crushing your car and that is only after you are dumped. I will try and avoid touching on who you should follow and who you shouldn’t; in the books, the only one you should follow is Jesus and it’s only because He is a man otherwise you would be going to hell.
Advice for free; don’t join any social media if you are married; it’s a divorce waiting to happen or a car ready to be burnt down. For those who keep putting up photos of how happy they are, no one cares plus the one you will marry must be somewhere laughing at your oblivion. Ultimately no need to be posting up photos when you know you get into a relationship twelve times a year. You are not Jesus; no need to share with the world your disciples.
All in all, no one died of privacy but somebody was killed because of publicity. Real cheaters do not post, real men don’t pose and ultimate people are busy reading this. Double tap on this article.

Tuesday, 14 April 2015

OF PIERCINGS AND TATTOOS by Daisy Waitherero Wambua

Beauty comes in all shapes and forms. Scratch that. Beauty comes in all pains and groans. The simple things in life are the hardest and unfortunately most people are drawn by this. There is beauty in simplicity and ugly in complexity so they say then they go get twenty piercings on their ears and their body looks like a drawing book. Who am I to judge though? A profoundly famous lightly skinned (rather light skinned) with a wholesomely blessed derriere woman once said ‘My Body, My Business’. I am not quite sure the number of transactions you will require to get a cheque with nine digits but if you ever reach there then am right behind you.
I have zero resentments when it comes to beautifying oneself but to what extent will you start to appreciate your beauty. Personally I have eight piercings and zero tattoos, frankly because my mum feels like they are cultic practices plus who spends all that money on a drawing? I understand some are in the business of getting money but what does the drawing book gain?
I am in no business whatsoever in discouraging general unbeneficial practices but what is the need of competing with the next art gallery? Wiz Khalifa and Amberose kindly take note, right after you put that blunt down and after you put some clothes on. Plus what is the point of having a magnet drag you by your ears? Is all that metal necessary? The only metal you should have is the one on your belt’s buckle, period.
Living in a generation where rebellion and controversy is accepted, compromises and faults have been made and appreciated. So yes to all those piercings, yes to tattoos, yes to sisal hair, yes to ‘Jiked’ skins and definitely an all-way approval to silicon body parts. If you have any of the above, my dear you have made the correct steps in the right direction. You are definitely the SI unit of a twenty first generation being.