Monday, 12 August 2013

RESULTS ARE HERE!! By Diaz Waitherero

 Three words that would make a PHD student squirm before the
sentence is completed. Personally, I hated exams from the time I knew
it will be more than one paper. I mean if you want to know what I have
grasped could you just compile everything into one simple and easy
paper. That would even minimise the marking. It’s a win-win situation
my dear lecturers.
Not to mention I am not the exact definition of patience so sitting down
on an uncomfortable chair for more than thirty minutes is just pure
torture. Usually two hours are for writing down what you think is right
and for convincing yourself that what you’ve written might be right.
Most times I wonder why give us so much time yet we only know two
answers in the paper.
I usually loved the first fifteen minutes of exams, mainly because of
perusing the pages. The feeling I would get after knowing I know more
than just my three names was simply ecstatic. After forty five minutes I
was usually grooming my nails or erasing the answers that seemed
more like scribbles each time I reviewed them. One hour down, one
more to go.
The second hour was a pain! It was like somebody was using magic to
turn the minute hand back over and over again. I opted to sleep during
that period and for some good angel I would wake up ten minutes to
time. During that short period I would remember all the correct
answers that I should’ve written and all the blanks I should’ve filled.
What happens when you see time running out and your hand going on
strike when you need it the most? The tension definitely makes you
think of doing the Harlem shake before you automatically freeze. Don’t
you just hate that feeling? So you hand out your half-filled answer
sheet being dead sure three-quarter of the half-filled sheet is even
wrong. After that exam your hopes rate zero, your confidence is some
sort of misplaced fear and your future looks like Migingo; in the middle
of nowhere. And somebody still expects you to read for the next exam,
give me a break!
Of course this attitude didn’t take me as far as I expected but along the
way I managed. After spending sleepless hours studying for an exam
that I would probably get an Eloya and sitting two hours straight
writing down everything I know. Maybe that’s a lie since I was busy
grooming and catching up on my dreams but really? Who expects me to
go through that seven more times?
Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results,
technically it’s a mad world we live in. I can count about twenty people
in my class who did the same thing as me so you can imagine how many
people in the world are from the same cloth. I believe that even the
crème de la crème did the same thing; the difference is that they were
better at it than the rest.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ails everyone because how do you
explain reading the same material two years straight? Or even worse
four years and you will review it over and over constantly complaining
of the boredom that comes with it. All in all exams are good for those
who excel in them, not for everyone who do them. As a good friend
says don’t put everything on paper, you will empty your brains. He
didn’t end up so well so I guess that isn’t the policy that everyone
should follow.
The minute you realise the teacher has walked in with the results, you
will definitely turn to your desk mate to ask for break money of which
she never owed you. Ask me why? I would say it’s the fact that your
name is too long to start the list but you get the idea, you failed and it
was bad. This is the second time your mind goes blank and your bladder
is beckoning. This state lasts until you hear your name and it only gets
worse if you are last on the list. Either way you wind up everything with
the lowest grade plus a feeling of despair just to spice it up.
After a couple of days of reassurance and self motivation, you make it
your sole purpose to pass the next test. A few days down the line,
reading or rather staring blankly into the book gets a bit too boring. You
then forget the purpose of it all so you eventually fall out and fail your
exam again; this happens three/ four times until you realise you are
going round in circles. Call it insanity. The funny thing about failing is
that you always hang out with all those who had similar results. For
consolation that maybe you are not the only one whose age
corresponds to the percentage you got in Maths.
Whether you are the best in your line of work or the worst, it’s only
human for you to fret. No one can point fingers during this period. Let
me not even start on the braggarts who purposely leave their papers
out in the open to show they have aced. Next time you miss getting 99
by a mark please just know we really don’t care, Okay maybe we do a
bit. I just pray my mother won’t read this article otherwise I will be
heading to the asylum or even worse I pay my university school fees.
That’s the worst form of punishment for anyone who is under 22.

Tuesday, 6 August 2013

THE `LOVE` ISSUE by paul masha

Despite numerous attempts by my partner in crime on this blog(read Diaz) to convince me on the existence of the `mythology` that is love,I still categorically decline to acknowledge it.In all seriousness I fail to understand how on earth a normal human being in his/her right senses  would be `stupid` enough to offer their heart to someone else notwithstanding the fact that you do not know the intentions of this person.I can already visualize that grin on your face but hey,hold your horses and let me justify my claims.By the time i am through penning down this thoughts,you might get to understand why i choose to hold such a skeptical opinion on such a household issue.
In our lifetime, we have all had the privilege of attending a wedding or two.First thing that meets your eye when you walk into the venue of a wedding is the heart throbbing,mouth dropping,show stopping decor that leaves you filling the blanks on exactly how much was invested in the setting up of the occasion both in terms of hard cash and man power.And what for?Three or four years down the road you are again begged to go testify in a divorce case pitting the same couple against each other.For that reason I only attend weddings in an empty stomach since my sole purpose of being there is to devour the free food offered to me since the next time someone might offer me free food might be in the next life.How many couples do we know that have gone down the same path of separation after many years of self deceit all in the name of love?Try counting and you will be surprised at how fast you will run out of fingers.Surprisingly enough though,no weekend in Nairobi goes by without you coming across motorcades decorated in a manner likely to suggest that several weddings have taken place somewhere.We all know of many couples who have miserable marriages and relationships and who if given a second chance at life would not look twice in the direction of love.This is so evident in couples who sometimes go to the extent of  publicly showcasing  their utter dislike towards each other.More than often,this move leaves me begging for an explanation as to why people fall so helplessly in love just to fall out of if twice as fast.
I can bet that most of  those reading this piece have at some point in their lives fallen in love and some have had numerous relationships only to get hurt at the end of the road.That is just the bad part.The worst part of it all is how you get yourself into another relationship as if u completely learned nothing from the previous ones,and the unsurprising end to it all is how you add another injury to your already broken heart.For some reason,women are the most common victims of this feeling called love and I say blame it on the soap operas.Women PLEASE!The Alejandros` you see on T.V are just actors who get paid to act the `perfect gentleman`  so please get your act together and flash the thought of finding an Alejandro down the toilet.Numerous times you hear women quoting this phrase `All men are dogs,` and I don`t blame them but those soap operas that lead them into thinking that the real world is a soap opera,which it clearly is not.Women,you will kiss a thousand and one frogs and when you think you have found your prince,he`ll have the gait of frog,the mindset of a frog and the character of a frog.And if it hops like a frog,talks like a frog,and thinks like a frog,then my dear women,it most probably is a frog.In simple lame man terms,love is none existent and the `perfect man` is even further from existence.
It has been proven than a man will declare love to a woman just to get her into bed and not to entice  her into marrying him(unless she is a multimillionaire),and i am fully in support of this claim since no man on this earth needs a woman to nag him all through his miserable life.Or is there?Men have not,can not and will never change since the age of the Flintstones.Whereas women get into relationships and marriages in the name of love,men have always been after pleasure and in some cases,procreation just to please their aging folks with grandchildren.But cometh the hour,cometh the woman!The woman of this time and day has devised a method of counter attack against the our manly tactics,if you can`t get the love get the money,and the marriage bill if passed will be a woman`s best friend.Woe unto us men and especially the most common breed of us known as the seasonal players.Beware of who you intend on proposing to least you land yourself in prison or the dungeon of unending poverty due to the hefty fines you may end up coughing out.However the best way out of this situation is to,if you must,date an independent woman or better yet be the hit and run type.The latter is more encouraged due to its pocket friendly nature,no heart aches involved and you don`t have to believe in love,further more it is suitable for both sexes.
If you still have a grin on your face then this is probably not for you and marriage might still accidentally work for you,who knows?Well,what you have read is and will remain my opinion until i meet a woman that will prove me otherwise.Whether you relate to the content of this article or not,you are welcome to comment.Until next time KEEP ON KEEPING ON!

Saturday, 3 August 2013

TO DREAAM OR NOT TO DREAM?? by paul masha

``I have a dream.``This is perhaps one of the most famous phrases in the whole wide world.Maybe I am wrong or maybe I am right but all the same we all have heard of this phrase.To some extent we all relate to this phrase since most,if not all of us,have a dream or an ambition for that matter.
I remember vividly my high school days when that success blinded principal took to the podium an amazing three weeks in a week just to echo that Martin Luther King phrase and tell of the big things he used to dream for his school.True to his `dreams`,it all came true and the school is flourishing.
I had to take you back  those days since that was the birth of my open-mindedness about life.Many of us have dreams but again most of them end up as piped dreams.Let us get it straight here,i am not in any sense of the word on a mission to `kill` anyone`s dreams.I am just stating facts that come with  living on this planet.
I am pretty sure that you my reader at some point in your life `had a dream` that you will become a doctor,a surgeon maybe?no..a pilot?well well,we all did,look at where we are now.As the pilots are flying miles above sea level you are seated there reading my article.Some people actually live their dreams and after a carrying out a thorough autopsy of the situation i have come up with a remedy to those with unfulfilled dreams.This might just be another false alarm which i hope it is not.But my remedy to this issue is for you to stop chasing your dreams.YES!Stop chasing your dreams.
At this point you probably think i am crazy but vis a vis that fact I might just have found the solution.Look at from this angle,you have spent or rather wasted the better part of your life chasing a dream yet it  hasn`t come to pass.Its time to devise another strategy my dear reader.
I suggest that you dont chase your dreams since thry run away from you the more yuo chase them.Let your dreams breath and attack them with the stealth of a hunter from the flinstones age.That is the best method to live a dream.Dreams work like people,if you attack at an unexpected moment then you are almost certainly guaranteed success in whatever youn are undertaking.Just when evrybody thinks you are done and dusted,dead and gone,thtats when you bounce back and i can assure you that this method is tried,tested and satiffied by yours truly.
So next time you think about chasing a dream,no matter how good you think you are at that particular field,do not chase the dream,take an a step at a time and you are guaranteed success.However this method is only for the brave at heart and those who have a stash of patience stacked  somewhere at the corner of their minds alongside their dreams.Don`t be fooled by the successes and the failure of some people you might know.We all have our own blueprints and least you write yours,this cruel world will write one for you and I cant promise that you will love the outcome.Sadly i cannot tell you what to do since you have a brain but it is my hope that this article influences your your future judgements.


 Judging by the tittle of this article,you probably have a slight idea of what i intend to write.In the land of the wise men who brought this language to our innocent land,thee exists a soccer team called Arsenal.You probably know this already since arsenal has the largest following of all the English premier league clubs in Kenya,and yo probably are a fan of this team.
Its funny that some years back this team actually gave the likes of Chelsea and Man U a serious run for their money in the premiership tittle race.Back then they boasted some of the biggest names football has ever seen.Talk of Thierry Henry,Robert Pires,Jens Lehman,Patrice Vierra,Antonio Reyes and more recently the flying Dutchman RVP and Cesc Fabregas.But those days are long gone now and the dream team is nowhere to be seen,maybe in the stands with the rest of the fans.
Come the present day and arsenal are fighting to keep up with the likes of Tottenham and Everton.Meanwhile their one time rivals from manchester casually danced their way to the tittle.Talk of the tables turning.Arsenal under Arsene Wenger tend to think that young blood wins trophies.On the contrary,young blood only fills the stands with pretty women and nothing more then that.Until recently when he brought the likes of Santi Carzola to the team,they were basically chasing shadows.Not that the situation is saved anywhere.
Come to Nairobi during a premiership weekend an d find loyal fans of this struggling team patriotically standing with their team after an 8-2 thrashing by their big brothers Man United.Being an Arsenal fan has been officially rated by this article as the toughest job one can have followed closely by presidency.But until directed otherwise,this fans show no signs of letting their team walk alone,atleast not in the near future.