Saturday, 16 August 2014
My older brother proudly fathers a very vibrant and beautiful girl,:Shana. He is certainly nowhere near the typical fathers that exist. When Shana was born he was definitely not happy, he was exhilarated, down right ecstatic, out of the world enthusiastic and it showed on his face. I can hardly forget his words when i called him baby daddy. "I am a father, not a baby daddy".The most important day of his life was certainly when she held her in his arms for the first time. I don't know if it has anything to do with the baby hailing from the female species or he was just happy that the baby was finally there.
Shana was the very first baby in our family to have a nutritionist. That surely went down the family history. The rest of us had mothers for nutritional purposes, sources of food, targets for annoyance, carriers when the bed gets boring and last but not least, radios when we get sleepy. My mother has been my nutritionist for years now and the only time I almost fired her was when she was shoving porridge down my throat.
Thank God for all the good men in our society and the fathers who are not only proud but they also make us proud. Unfortunately baby Shana fell ill a few days ago and she was admitted to the hospital. The doctor diagnosed her with viral infection and she is now on medication. Apparently all children don't like people who wear white coats with gloves on their hands. And without a doubt, she also has the same gut feeling towards what the doctor bears(medicine) or perhaps she hates it more.
According to her anyone that walks into her room and shares no resemblance with her mother is a threat. Her weapon to eliminate the unwanted visitor is scream and shout then let it all out. Later on she gives them a nasty look if they persist to stay. After confirming that the threat isn't exactly after pricking and forcing substances down her throat, she gives you a pass. This is signified by her stretching her arms out for you to carry her. You my dear friend have been accepted as a comrade and have been friend zoned.
Who knew babies can have that level of intelligence and attitude? Everyone if not all think, when a baby cries feed them, when they sleep don't wake them up, when they are quiet thank God, when they are laughing praise God and go into fasting and when their auntie wants to babysit them for the weekend pray that they stay with them for the whole month.
Mothers can't be thanked enough but have you ever thought of gratifying a baby? I couldn't possibly survive as one today. Crying when am hungry, not being able to bath myself, eat rather disturbing food and not being able to control the TV would lead me to succumb to SIDS. I wish my niece and all the babies who are not feeling well quick recovery and even quicker growth.
Tuesday, 12 August 2014
Men love a one night stand girl, get together girl and what the hell girl. But guess what so do women, at least some women. The male species are allergic to commitment, responsibilities, settling down and the ultimate word ‘wife’. And no antihistamine can reverse this hypersensitiveness. A man’s worth nowadays is measured by the number of women he has brought to bed or ‘hit’ as they like to refer to it.
The one night stand girl. She is simply the random girl in the club or a house party that his alcohol content convinced him that she is Nikki Minaj. Shock awaits him as he wakes up in the morning as she is more masculine than he is. He can even call her bro.
Key problem; alcohol percentage in the body had reached 72% and one more drop its 73% therefore thinking capacity and visual capability is 0% or almost void. Solution; Jesus changed water into wine but where in the Bible does it say that He drank the whole wine? Men don’t take another shot if you start thinking that you can perform miracles.
Get together girl. She is the girl who you get together with when you evidently get together. No calls, no sext, no promises, no halos and no names. You happen to be in the same event as her, or perhaps a house warming or a book study (if they still exist). Wherever you bump into each other, she is the one to tend to your needs. She is the consistent one night stand. Everything is anonymous and mysterious like the witnesses at ICC.
Key problem; you are emotionally detached and so is she. Be careful one day she will dump a baby on your doorstep, and you still won’t have her number, her address or her name. Solution; don’t get her knocked up because you will have a baby without a baby mama.
What the hell girl. She is there as a friend but she gives more than friendship. People call them Friends with Benefits but I think that’s too much credit. She gives benefits alright but don’t be tempted to think you are the only one. She just wants a boyfriend and she has no problem playing with her toy until she finds one. Key Problem; trust issues served with fear of STDs that come from having multiple women, I can’t blame this man. Everyone should be afraid of AIDs and herpes (in that order). Though having one woman doesn’t secure your health.
Solution; never put friendship and bedroom in the same sentence. It spells out disaster. One of you will take it serious and break rule one (don’t fall in love) and that’s when you create a crazy woman. My advice is don’t you dare start it because she will finish you. Literally.
A man must first find himself, before he finds his woman or he will damage whatever woman he comes in contact with along the way. The second word in this paragraph holds a lot of weight. Men, it’s time to refuse the name dog and own a better title. At this pace you are creating a lot of female dogs that are distasteful to my species.