Friday, 9 January 2015

REAL MEN DONT CRY, THEY WEEP by Daisy Waitherero Wambua

I have shared a hair salon, a masseuse, a nail practitioner, some few clothes and even earrings with the opposite gender. We as women would be dammed if we share boxes of tissues and scoops of ice cream with them. Men these days are everywhere; in the salon getting their con rows done, being given a head massage, getting their cuticles removed, coming to stretch during yoga I mean don’t you have a roof to fix or something. The only time a man is allowed in the salon is when he is picking up his girlfriend, we can’t have two Rapunzels period! You can grow hair, just not on your scalp; a beard is enough.

Men have raided our small community of women all in the name of being in touch with their feminine side. They have taken everything to a new level and at this pace they will be parading in skirts and dresses with heels, oh wait they did; drag queens. I have no problem with people switching their gender; I mean at some point in life, I thought I was my big brother’s smaller brother (read tom boy). Thank God I realized I am from a greater species. With so much confusion in the world, I can’t blame Andrew being Audrey; being a man is tough and to some great extent depressing.

I personally draw a line at men crying. You are allowed to get in touch with your feminine side but I shall not allow you to become a full time feminine. I can't wipe your tears and mine at the same time. Women date men because they are men; disorganized, ruthless, downright pain in the neck people, thus it is generally alarming and unfair to make us feel like we are dating a fellow woman; we are in no business of being lesbians. Men are made to be strong, brave, security guards and gym instructors.

You are required to give us a shoulder to lean on and not the other way around; our shoulders are not that broad frankly speaking. We are the only species that are allowed to cry and yell and throw tantrums because you called us fat. Do not expect an apology if your missus says you should lift more weights instead of having more weight. Do not run away like a little girl when your friends pick on you. Kindly try not to cry uncontrollably during a movie.

There is only one incident that a man is allowed by the general public to shed A tear (keyword A) and that is during a funeral of a loved one. Or when your girl has thrown your Iphone6 plus to the ground; the latter can make you cry like a little baby. Any other instance, you are required to be a man; we already have a shortage of men so we don’t need any more estrogen. If the urge to cry is intense, do go home and lock the door with a solex, get beneath the sheets, cover yourself with a duvet and a pillow then wail it all out.

Real men don’t cry, they weep; it’s in the Bible (Jesus wept)