Sunday, 27 March 2016

WHY KENYANS WOULD NOT BE IN THE BIBLE by Daisy Waitherero Wambua


Easter should have come early. February early. No I would not wish to quicken Jesus’ demise but with the January blues spreading over to March; even Judas would have been paid 15 coins. I haven’t been this broke in so long that beggars on the street would share their daily collections with me. All of you who think Kalekye lost weight because of gym continue being delirious. At some point last month it would have taken a hundred shillings to actually be considered broke.




Back to Easter. There is something about this fish that should spark interest. Jesus was a shepherd but no mention of eating sheep, goat, cow or chicken. Not so much of a cook, not so much into animals on land but a lot into unleavened bread and that wine. We could never measure up to be His Highness but if Kenyans could…… Nyamachoma would be prepared on a daily basis, the famous Keg after every meal, people kubruce (getting wasted) before prayers, disciples engaging in corrupt deals and stealing Jesus’ miracles and you bet XYZ and Churchill would make all sorts of parodies. The whole of Luke 24 would be filled with verses of kufisiana (hunger expeditions) and Jesus would probably resurrect on Thursday. Kenyans would never be in the Bible.

I have to give it up to my main man Jesus for His loyalty. How many of us would die and willingly come back to those who ended us in the first place and not kill them? You literally have to have a higher power for that kind of composure. I mean if somebody simply steps on my right foot, I would make it a personal mission to go to war on both of his feet. We all need a little Jesus in us especially in this season. Easter is a representation of love and sacrifice for a greater purpose. So in every situation try asking yourself What Would Jesus Do? Sometimes you will not find an answer, the devil is a lie, ten Jesus pieces bruh!

HAPPY EASTER!